Black Men & White Women
The New Controversy
After watching an episode of the Larry Elder show on January 25th, it brought home many conversations I’ve had with other black women and black men here in Anchorage as well as other metropolitan cities.
My first train of thought as a human being
is live and let live. In no way am I a racist. I do however understand
how and why many black women feel slighted on a personal level. One woman
expressed to me that she "loved and stood by her man when times were
hard, and when he got on his feet he left." Unfortunately, men often
feel they have that option. They can and have walked away from their wives
and children never looking back.
On a more personal note, I have a family member who has a child by a black
woman, they never married, split up and he married a white woman. I asked
him why he chose not to marry the mother of his first child and he told
me that she was "too dramatic." He also stated that he could
do anything he wanted and get anything he wanted from his Caucasian counterpart.
That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me. It sounds like a man who isn’t willing to work at something worth having. Granted his wife is a sweet person and genuinely loves him. She is well educated and they now have two children. It wasn’t a love at first sight because my cousin is an opportunist when it comes to women and he says white women are "easier to deal with." Not true.
The fact is most of us black women are strong and we require strength in a man. I love black men and I would not actively seek a man of another race, but if I met someone and we clicked I would not fight it. You have no control over whom you love. I find it a poor excuse for a black man to say that we are too dramatic. I am an intelligent, educated, creative, strong and caring person. I know plenty black women who would be considered a "good catch."
Personally, I am tired of hearing that we are drama queens and all of the other ridiculous stereotypes that decent black women like me have to dispute daily due to the media. Yes, we are strong and many of us have to be. We raise children, work and provide for our families without welfare, and often alone therefore survival skills are necessary for us to maintain. We are writers, painters, artists, educators, mentors and we still find time to "look good."
We simply require a man to play his position
and be a "MAN." No explanation needed.
What most black women resent is, white women who are seeking a taboo relationship
simply for primal reasons. There are some who just want to play, while
we are hoping for soul mates. Even black women who have been scorned by
their own men, still remain loyal while black men easily make the transition
to women of other ethnic backgrounds.
Traditionally, black men have had it hard. They have been persecuted, lynched, racially profiled, jailed and killed just for being who they are. In most cases the black woman stood beside him in times of need. When they couldn’t get decent paying jobs, it was often the woman who scrubbed floors or took in domestic work to feed their families in the past. Most black women have undying loyalty to the men they love. It was the black woman who endured when the black man had no one else to turn to. Unless you have lived our stories, you cannot tell them. Many people don’t really care about this issue, but they understand why some black women feel this is a slap in the face. Black men are beautiful, strong, sexy, talented, jazzy, intelligent and spiritual. I did say "black MEN." It seems that the rest of the world is discovering what we’ve known all along as if it were a secret until now.
Throughout "his story" white women have always been considered the "prize." You haven’t arrived until you have her by your side. During slavery, she was the ultimate form of forbidden fruit, perhaps that made her all the more desirable being placed on an invisible pedestal. Who knows?
In essence, this world is changing and there are interracial couples everywhere, even in the south.When I moved to Anchorage a few years ago, I was surprised to see so many bi-racial children, which indicated to me that many ethnic groups were mixing. It is inevitable, the world is becoming smaller and that alone will bring people together. Maybe it’s time black women explore other options. There are far too many available women without mates and I for one am not "waiting to exhale any longer!" Life is too short. There is nothing wrong with loving your own, but you must love yourself as well and where is it written that you should be alone waiting in vain?
I know there are still some good black men around, because of my father, my uncles and my platonic male friends back in Chicago. They "love the sistahs" and wouldn’t have it any other way. My best friend Thomas married a black woman and the marriage hasn’t been easy, but they keep working at it because each one realizes the others’ potential and they truly love each other. She knows she has a good black man and she appreciates him.
Black on Black love is alive and well in many parts of the country. The younger generation is deeply into the neo-soul-nubian love-thing. Young blacks whom consider themselves "consciously aware," are experiencing a newfound respect for our culture by embracing our past. Neo-soul music is a semi-throw back of 70’s funk, smoothed over with jazz appeal, a driving bass line with a pinch of hip hop and it feels good. The new "soul music." It’s like being at a family reunion in the deep-south sitting under pecan trees eating homemade ice cream on a hot July afternoon. Soul good.
I don’t believe anyone in my family would disrespect a person from another race, if that were our choice. I have dated men from other countries and their friends were always accepting of me. Which brings me to a point. Why are we still having race/color issues at this stage of the game? Welcome to America. Racism rears its ugly head again. Maybe we are just too uptight? I think other countries are less concerned about issues of this nature. Perhaps we should follow suit? There are quite a few mixed marriages in my family and we all get along just fine.
I have a feeling that no matter how many black men decide to date other races there will still be brothers who embrace black queens. Many of us can look in the mirror and still see the crown. As a poet, I uplift my brothers and I always will. My father is a strong, loving and decent black man. I am blessed to be his daughter. I hope to meet a man with similar qualities and when he comes along, color will not be a Factor.
Jimmi
Ware
Freelance Writer, Poet, Speaker
Contributor to; Open My Eyes, Open My Soul, by Yolanda King
Email: slamdiva@email.com Jimmi resides in Anchorage, Alaska
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