by Michelle Davis

As if black women don’t have enough to stress about, a man – a black man came out of his closet and told the world that almost every other black man was in there with him and perpetrating a lie to us. Not only has he caused an uproar amongst his peers, but he has black women looking at black men as if they have some kind of plague. Black women have now begun to change the ways in which they view the black men in their lives. We were already bombarded with the devastating numbers of how many of our men were incarcerated and unemployed. If we are to believe the statistics, it seemed that as we made strides toward upward mobility, our men were unable to keep up. We lamented amongst ourselves about the low numbers of available straight, employed black men. The odds have plummeted to the lowest possible level with this so-called bomb that dropped earlier this year.

Rather the hysteria propagated by the DL phenomena is true or not, some black women are conceding defeat and vowing to stay alone, date men of other races exclusively or have decided to be safe and turn to other women. Neither was a choice for me for several reasons. One, I never bought into the hype of a very successful marketing strategy by an author looking to create controversy because he’s savvy enough to know that controversy sells. Two, I believe that men and women were created to procreate together for the survival of the human race. Three, I have someone whom I consider to be the ultimate black man.

I have a Mr. Right. Only, he's not perfect. But perfection is not what makes a Mr. Right, is it? He's Mr. Right for me and my circumstances.

Let me explain. I am a single mother and have gone through some of the traditional madness that a lot of black women experience, such as the drug addicted boyfriend or the rebound partner that we think is perfect until he gets the ring on our finger and suddenly either the blinders come off or the true personality is revealed, and you realize he’s not what you thought he was. In that case, he was Mr. Right Now.

Mr. Right came into my life on the tail end of a very bad relationship and I honestly was not looking for another one. But something about him moved me and I took a chance. We've been together five years now and are going into our second year of living together. We've had our ups and downs, and he cheated on me at one point in the relationship.

But in spite of that, what makes him Mr. Right for me is that he never forgot who he was as a black man and the integrity he possesses allowed him to make the decision to leave the pandemonium behind. He understood what it takes to make a strong black community and family and he adjusted his life style and ways to make things work for us. Better still, he treats my children like they’re his own. He has adopted his young nephew and has always been the pillar of his family. He's pursuing his Master's Degree because he loves education and strives for the upliftment of his people. He pursues a moral obligation to share as much as he can with others and to do as much good as he can. When I became unemployed about a month ago without another job in sight or another source of income, he did not complain. In fact, he stepped up and took care of the dynamics of our home on his own even though his income was strained in doing so. I can fashion my life dreams and goals with him because he is one hundred percent supportive. He always emphasizes the need for individuals to strengthen each other.

See, in identifying Mr. Right women need to evaluate what’s important in their lives and judge black men accordingly. Not by standards constructed by society or fads erected by marketing ploys, because standards are compromising and fads die out. Sometimes we can’t even base our choices on perfect behavior patterns because in most cases they don’t exist. And we definitely cannot exclude personal development and growth when seeking Mr. Right.

Everyone must determine within themselves the extent to which they are willing to see another individual. Are we looking for someone to complement our weaknesses and somehow add validity to our own personal faults? Are we looking to add flavor to a recipe that seems lacking in its capacity to be filling? Or are we simply trying to construct that age-old fantasy about the fair maiden who is delivered from all her woes by the young lad gallanting on his steed.

The bottom line is we must be careful in identifying mediums with which to categorize our men. I am blessed that I found a black man that complements me in every way. He made his mistakes, but when called to the carpet to step up he did so without any hesitation. To me, that’s more important than any other attribute that can be indicative of a Mr. Right. No, he's not Mr. Perfect, but he's Mr. Right for me.