Thank You for Giving Me A Voice & Lending Me Your Ears

Ladies in Waiting

(Living Behind the Invisible Bars)

When to Let A Sistah Friend Go!

We have all experienced a certain situation where we have felt alone and then another sister shares her story and finally we know that someone out there understands exactly what we are going through. I want to thank all of my sistas out there who are my inspiration.

Some days when I wake up in the morning I feel like the things that have happened to me in my life do not happen to real people. We all go through feelings of inadequacy and experience things that cost us our self-esteem. I am constantly second guessing myself and worrying if am I a good writer, friend, lover, sister, and daughter. I wonder why I am not that big CEO of my own company in which I had planned to be by the age of 21. I have been engaged, yet I am still not a wife and mother. At one point in my life I was a regional manager in charge of hundreds of people at a time and now due to lay-offs or restructuring I am constantly trying to redefine my roll in both my professional as well as my personal life.

I thank God for making it possible for me to get up every morning and experience the things that I’m sure that you will be reading about shortly. I thank my editor for giving me free reign to touch on something’s that that are not necessarily touched on. I am thankful that I am at a point in my life in which I can accept who I am and that I can share my voice with you.

I, like many of my sister friends went to a big 10 college, have worked for Fortune 500 companies, wear that diamond engagement ring that I dreamed for so many nights as a young girl, and I go out of town every couple of months to be with my fiancé, my soul mate, my husband to be. You wait your whole life for that special someone and they come along and they are everything that you dreamed they would be. They are funny, smart, they encourage all of your dreams, and they support you emotionally when you need it the most. Many think that I have the perfect life, many openly voice envy of my so-called perfect life, but what many don't know is that I am a lady in waiting. Like many of my sisters out there my so-called perfect life has just one little snag, my fiancé is incarcerated and doing a 10 year bid. Little things like holding hands as you walk down the street, a stolen kiss, or a simple "how was your day, dear?" is not an everyday occurrence for many women or myself. The ladies in waiting are a group of women that give a new meaning to the phrase for better or for worse.

There are many reasons why a person can be incarcerated, but no matter what that reason is all inmates and their devoted loved ones share the same pain. Women with a husband, boyfriend, father, or brother behind those iron bars go through the same psychological traumatic experience behind those invisible bars. Just because we are not confined to a cell doesn't mean that we don't go through what our prisoners go through. When there is a fight on the yard and he is all stressed out about it he calls his lady in waiting and then we get stressed hoping that he doesn't get involved. Or when his cell mate receives a Dear John letter he all of sudden decides he needs some space from you hoping that you will just walk away so that he will not ever have to endure such pain. We as ladies in waiting also have to deal with the life that he is living behind those bars because one mistake could add another 10 years to his already extensive sentence. We also unfortunately have to deal with those of our men who get so comfortable with the life behind bars that they constantly try to find ways to stay in prison.

While all of the prisoners get food, clothing, beds and medical attention many are forgotten about by their loved ones who cut them off because they feel that they can't wait the years and/or decades until their loved one is released. Others are bitter and feel that since he is responsible for his actions then he should go it alone. We as people naturally spend a lot of time taking the little things in life for granted until we no longer have them readily available, but for a lady in waiting this luxury does not exist as we try to move pass the madness.

We all have that one sistah friend who understands you when you feel like no one else does. She can read your mind, finish your sentences, and she is the one who encourages you to succeed and reach for the stars. She also has that telepathy so when your man acts a fool she’s right there to help you pack his stuff before he gets home from work. Over all else she will accept you for who you are no matter what. Every friendship has it’s ups and downs, however, In order to have a true friend you have to be a true friend.

How did our friendship start? I sat down next to (we'll call her Tanya) that first day in our banking training class and we clicked right away and from that moment I knew that she would be an important part of my life. When I was down and depressed I could always call Tanya and she became the sister that I never had. Once I got to know her I realized that we had
so much in common and we were both on that quest for eternal happiness.

LaTanya was my girl that was just a phone call away. When I came home to an empty apartment because my fiancé disappeared with everything except a good by she was there to ask me why didn't you see this coming. When I was havingproblems on my job because I was the only black in an all white office and the vice president of the company made a comment about slaves she was
there to tell me to get the hell out of that company before they hang me even though I had no other job to go to. When my hair started to fall out due to my medication she was there to rush me through the wig store because I was taking to long. When I needed to make changes to myself in order to feel better she was there to say why can't you just deal with yourself the way that you are. She was always there with her I told you so's and why didn't you listen, but she was still my girl.

She didn't understand that I needed to make a few changes in order to make me feel better about myself. As long as I was sad and unhappy and I was always ringing her phone she seemed happy, but when I started to make personal changes and feel good about myself she of all people didn't
understand. She even asked me why would I do such a thing. It seemed like the more I improved myself the more she changed. My sister who was once so supportive and once my ally became my enemy. It became clear that we were still on our search for eternal happiness, but it was just time to go in a different direction. I finally came to the conclusion that as long as I stood in her shadow it was all good, but it was when I began to stand on my own that she had a problem with me not needing her as a crutch.

At the risk of sounding like a clique, I have always believed that no one is too rich as to throw away a friend as a friendship is like a flower and if you nurture it than it will grow. However, If a friendship gets constantly trampled on, like a flower, it will eventually break and there comes a time when you have to let a sistah go.

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